VI 30/3/2018

Cue corny 80s music
MOVIE VOICE MAN: "Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your codpieces, tie up your corsets - it's DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS...
STARRING:

Tommy O' Leary, now level 3 fighter, the protagonistic protector, the brilliant bottle-necker, and his metal demon sword..

and...

John "Yes, definitely a god" Crystal, healbot and hellfire, the Sorcerer with Style.

PREVIOUSLY...

Our (very) brave heroes explore the notoriously haunted Moaning Mansion to find a painting for dubious nobleman Chiffon.
They encounter a magical mouth - the source of the screams - before running into patrolling pirates.
Shots of John Crystal setting the house on fire and Simon rolling 1s
After pushing the pirate captain down a spiked pit, our heroes bravely escape to return the next morning. Encountering more pirates, they find a secret cave hidden through a disguised trapdoor.

They defeat a pirate mage and find a smuggled cargo of treasure and magical items - including a weird, golden rod and a statue of a beholder, as well as instructions on how and when to signal to the pirate ship to return to the cave.

Ominous close up of crate marked DO NOT OPEN
They explore the mansion further, discovering forbidden tomes and encountering an annihilating fireplace.
Finally, waiting for nightfall so they can signal the ship, the heroes decide to check out the box marked "do not enter".
Shots of Tommy running around with a treasure chest mimic on his arm and John Crystal chasing popping frost bolts
Whilst embroiled in combat, during yet another critical fumble, Tommy's demon sword shatters - releasing the demon within.
Will our heroes survive, or will they be slaughtered at the hands of narrator becomes steadily more demonic Vulg'nech, Her Hideousness, Tooth of Vorn, THIRTIETH IN THE UNHEIRARCHY, SERVANT OF BAPHOMET?
Logo slam
Find out on the next episode of D! And! D!"

-Treasure-
Bucket & mop
Golden rod/wand with projecting orbs and mechanisms (unidentified use)
1011sp
Necronomicon (unidentified use)
Book of levitation (spend 10 mins reading this book next to a tree to begin levitating for 1d6 turns)
Deed to mansion of Drake Valentine
Spellbook containing following spells:
6 light crossbows
14 daggers
6 scimitars

-Enemies defeated-
1 Bandit Captain (defeated, though not killed) 450exp
6 Bandits 150exp
1 Mage Apprentice 100exp

-Equipment lost/damaged-
Demon sword
9 feet of Luke Connor's 10-foot pole

-Events and bonuses-
Found Drake Valentine's deeds to the Moaning Mansion (75 exp)
Explored 12 rooms (120 exp)
Found the smugglers' cave (75 exp)
Released Vulg'nech, Tooth of Vorn from her ten-thousand-year imprisonment

-Other notable bonuses-
Al: ludicrous host bonus 100exp

-Totals-
Tommy O'Leary, Level 3 Human Fighter 1090 exp + 350 (enemies) + 270 (events) = 1710 exp
John Crystal, Level 2 Aasimar Sorcerer 604 exp + 350 (enemies) + 270 (events) + 100 (bonuses) = 1324 exp +++LEVEL UP+++

-Absentees-
Luke Connor, Level 3 Human Sorcerer,  990 exp
Elijah Dune, Level 2 Human Rogue, 861 exp