Tuesday, 27 December 2022

Top 10 Conan Stories

I have just finished a read through all the Conan stories by Robert E Howard. He's a classic character and the source for so much of today's fantasy gaming material including much of D&D and Warhammer fantasy. However, sadly the stories show their age and Howard was sometimes writing to pay the bills; reading an omnibus is a bit of a minefield. 

By popular request I have sorted the good from the bad. Here is the definitive top 10 Conan stories. I noticed making the list that the 'early period' contained almost all of my favourites - there wasn't a single one I disliked. Likewise, the 'middle period', though containing one or two fun adventures is generally formulaic with cardboard cutout damsels in distress. If you just want to read one or two, I'd recommend People of the Black Circle, the strongest all-round story, and probably Red Nails, the only Conan novel and a mash up of Conan the King and several of his other roles of pirate, prisoner and adventurer.

1st - People of the Black Circle

5/5

A pacey, twisty swashbuckler with sorcerous villains, foreboding dungeons, hard-fought battles, an evocative and enjoyably complex setting and an almost three-dimensional heroine in the proud Queen Yasmina. If I was a producer I'd be racing for the film rights.

Frank Frazetta, Chained, c.1967

2nd - The Scarlet Citadel

5/5

Very close second place and the best of the Conan the King stories. Great opening with Conan's embattled last stand against his treacherous foes and a Lovecraftian dungeon crawl. The classic Conan vs. Snake scene made its way into paintings by Frank Frazetta and inspired the scene in the Schwarzenegger movie.

3rd - The Phoenix on the Sword

5/5

I love Conan as the troubled king out of his depth and this near-fragment typifies this as Conan faces a coup in his own court. The first Conan story and what a start.

4th - Black Colossus

5/5

Conan gets divinely chosen to lead a Princess' armies against an undead sorcerer in an excellently described battle that far outstrips anything Tolkien could write. Undoubtedly an inspiration for Warhammer.

5th - The Hour of the Dragon

4/5

The only Conan novel, drawing heavily from The Scarlet Citadel. Howard's setting of the Hyborian Age really takes centre stage here and the Kingdom of Aquilonia is character in its own right with its own agency in the outcome of the story. There is also the only foray into the often-mentioned necromantic realm of Stygia although this section does also smack of the less-PC 'middle period'.

6th - The Tower of the Elephant

4/5

A great D&D module. Characterisation is thin on the ground because Conan basically does it for the hell of it, and it's maybe a little too easy for him, but the weird encounters he experiences in the Tower make up for it.

7th - A Witch Shall Be Born

4/5

The origin of the Tree of Woe scene, which is fantastic. Another tumultuous kingdom to be restored with some good side characters who upstage Conan, but the lesbian-twin-sister-sorceress makes it a tad difficult to read at times.

8th - Rogues in the House

4/5

Another city side quest as Conan breaks into a sorcerer's mansion. Conan dumping an ex-girlfriend in a cess pit is also a fairly enjoyable vignette.

9th - Red Nails

3/5

The last Conan story stars Valeria, who manages to be as much of a badass as Conan before the last third where she loses any three-dimensionality along with all her clothes. Interesting setting with feuding factions but lower down the list as we near the pervading racism of many of the worse stories as well as getting bogged down in multiple obsessive descriptions of Conan's physique.

10th - The Frost Giant's Daughter

3/5

Conan gets horny and follows an elf into a blizzard. Very short but the different setting sees this beat the lower-quality tropefests of Howard's middle period and the works marred by pervading racism, which didn't make it onto this list.

Monday, 6 August 2018

XIV- Demogorgon Rises



+++Day 9 in the Underdark+++

The raft gets ambushed by an angry Kuo-toa. Not exactly size accurate, but i think it sums up the mood.

Sarith - DEAD Mauled by a kuo-toa berserker
Ront - DEAD Maimed by a kuo-toa berserker, says find the chieftain of the bone maggot tribe and give him his little tusk pendant, and tell him Ront... tell him... Ront... died...braaaaaave....
Prince Derendil - Miraculously survived tentacle crushing
Stool - kept a low profile
Eldeth - survived
Shuushar - broken spiritually
A moment for Ront.
Treasure -
5x Sticky shields (regular +2 shields, plus:
"When a creature misses the user with a melee weapon attack, the user can use its sticky shield to catch the weapon. The attacker must succeed on a DC 11 Strength saving throw, or the weapon becomes stuck to the user's shield. If the weapon's wielder can't or won't let go of the weapon, the wielder is grappled while the weapon is stuck. While stuck, the weapon can't be used. A creature can pull the weapon free by taking an action to make a DC 11 Strength check and succeeding."
)
That's actually it, sad times.


-Enemies defeated-Bloppliplod, Archpriest of the Deepfather (2300exp)
1 Kuo-Toa captain (200exp)
"Blibploop, darling, live for our children!" - Kuo-Toa #256, last words
1 Kuo-Toa berserker (450exp)
10 Kuo-Toa warriors (500exp)
Around 700 Kuo-Toa townsfolk (700exp)
2 Ixitxachitl demons (50exp)


-Story bonuses-

Crossed the Darklake +50exp each
Entered Slubuudop +50exp each
Escaped Slubuuddop alive +400exp each


EXP TOTALS

1475 exp each

John Crystal *LEVEL UP* 6967/6500 L3 Aasimar Sorcerer / L1 Warlock 
Jumurak *LEVEL UP* 6593/6500 L3 Duergar Fighter/L1 Wizard 
Tommy O'Leary 5470/6500 L4 Human Fighter
Fiona 4987/6500 L4 Halfling Rogue 

Luke Conner L3 Human Sorcerer 1975/2700


Thursday, 2 August 2018

XIII & XIV - A Long Forage

A Long Forage

+++Day 7 in the underdark+++

Explored the Dwarven ruins +50exp
Encountered Urkmthangz, Ancient Red Dragon +100exp
Passed Cyanoxanthia, Snake of Riddles +50exp

Explored the ruins of the ancient dwarf city, evading the arcane traps of grumblebelch mining inc.
Found magical dwarven weapons on an ancient battlefield
Defeated 2 Evil Nymphs & 1 Nymph Temptress (300exp)



Defeated 4 Spectres (800exp)
Found Dawnbringer in the tomb of an ancient sorcerer


+++Day 8 in the Underdark+++

Defeated 6 tentacle skeletons (300exp)
Explored the headquarters of Grumblebelch Inc +50 exp
Befriended a baby Beholder (700exp)



Discovered the Robe of Eyes



Storyline: 250 exp each
Encounters: 2100 exp / 2 = 1050 exp each

John Crystal L3 Aasimar Sorcerer / L1 Warlock 5492/6500
Jumurak L3 Duergar Fighter/L1 Wizard 5118/6500
Tommy O'Leary L4 Human Fighter 3995/6500
Fiona L4 Halfling Rogue 3512/6500
Luke Conner L3 Human Sorcerer 1975/2700

Thursday, 5 July 2018

XII - Into Darkness

+++Day 3 in the Underdark+++
Escaped Velkynvelve by burning spider webs +150exp



Camped under the Stone head of Khazrad the Grumbler



+++Day 4 in the Underdark+++
8 Days to Sluubudop
Middledark, Drow tunnels

Set out for Sluubudop
Traversed Velyknvelve Tunnels
Scaled the Screaming Ledge +50 exp
Encountered and destroyed three spore-choked drow +75 exp
Buppido pushes Topsy off the Screaming Ledge




+++Day 5 in the Underdark+++
7 days to Sluubudop
Middledark, Drow tunnels

Passed from Velkynvelve Tunnels into the Darkling Wastes
Eldeth and Jumurak flirt beardily
Tommy wins a bet with Banjo Fishwick
Encountered Drow merchants in the tunnels +50 exp



+++Day 6 in the Underdark+++
6 days to Sluubudop
Middledark, Drow tunnels



Traversed the Darkling Wastes
Encountered Gnoll hunters, killing 2 of their number +250exp
Buppido murders Banjo and attempts to murder Stool, is repelled
Evaded the beast, recovered an egg from the hunters



Totals
Storyline: 150 exp each
Encounters: 425 exp / 4 = 106 exp each

John Crystal L3 Aasimar Sorcerer / L1 Warlock 4192/6500
Tommy O'Leary L4 Human Fighter 3995/6500
Jumurak L3 Duergar Fighter/L1 Wizard 3818/6500
Fiona L4 Halfling Rogue 3512/6500
Luke Conner L3 Human Sorcerer 1975/2700


Friday, 8 June 2018

XI - Velkynvelve



Enemies slain
1 Drow warrior (50exp)
1 Drow Elite warrior (1800exp)



Treasure
6 chain shirts
6 suits studded leather armour
6 shields
6 hand crossbows
20 cases hand crossbow bolts (each contains 20 bolts)
6 shortswords
10 daggers
6 bags of caltrops
4 coils of silk rope, each 100 ft long
2 building hammers
2 bags iron spikes (each contains 2 bags)

Bonuses
Delicious cake bonus (Al) +100exp

Totals
John Crystal L3 Aasimar Sorcerer / L1 Warlock 3936/6500
Tommy O'Leary L4 Human Fighter 3739/6500
Jumurak L3 Duergar Fighter/L1 Wizard 3562/6500
Fiona L4 Halfling Rogue 3512/6500
Luke Conner L3 Human Sorcerer 1799/2700

Followers:
Sarith the dark elf
Eldeth the dwarf scout
Stool the myconid sprout
Shuushar the fish man
Topsy the snirfneblin
Ront the orc
Prince Derendil the high elf/quaggoth
Banjo Fishwick the snirfneblin
Buppido the derro scholar

Sunday, 20 May 2018

X - Captured



The party attempt to bust their way out of the dungeon. However, the vampires have been waiting for them - made aware by their compatriots escaping the earlier battle in mist form. In the kitchens, ghouls leap at the party from hiding, and a long brawl ensues, as more and more paladins pile in.

Despite slaughtering the ghouls, and attempting to form a bottleneck in the door, most of the heroes - Jumurak with a mangled arm - are separated, and surrender. They are stripped of their posessions (save for a few hidden items, notably the Wand of Wonder and Jumurak's vial of poison) and loaded into coffins for transportation "for sale to those below". Meanwhile, Fiona manages to hide, and follow the others from a distance.



The coffins are taken out of a city to a guarded cave, and from there deep, deep down. A switchover takes place between the vampires and dark elves, who take the coffins yet further down, and eventually to a cliff-hugging outpost. Here the prisoners are put into a holding cell - but Fiona manages to remain, undetected.


We decided at the end of the session that the boat just sits in the harbour in Grimheim for the forseeable future.

Alvaro left for good, so I'm going to assume his character is left in the vampire's castle, where he will be turned into pie meat in 1d4 days. On that note, Elijah Doon is also lost to the port-side taverns.



Enemies slain:
8x ghouls (1,000 exp)

Bonuses:
Cool scar (Jumurak, 50exp)
Taken to the Underdark (50exp)

433 exp each

Exp totals
Fiona (Christina), Lightfoot Halfling Rogue (lvl 3) 2559 + 433 = 2,992 exp Level up!
John Crystal (Al), Aasimar Sorcerer-Warlock (lvl 4) 2883 + 367 = 3,316 exp
Jumurak (Fraser), Duergar Fighter-Wizard (lvl 2/1) 2559 + 433 = 2,992 exp Level up!

Absent
Tommy O'Leary (Simon), Human Fighter (lvl 3+1) 3369 exp
2-Peck (Chloe), Aarakocra Bard (lvl 3) 2209 exp
Luke Conner (Rowan), Human Sorcerer (lvl 3) 1429 exp